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Post by violet on Nov 2, 2006 12:19:20 GMT 10
Do you tend to hold a grudge?
I certainly feel wronged at times, and often it's justified, but if I sit back and think about the whole situation, I can sometimes see that I've contributed to the problem.
It may be that I've been grumpy or hasty in my response, or that I've misunderstood the other person's intentions. Either way, there's often something that could have been done sooner to defuse the conflict.
On a positive note, I'm finding that as I get older my view of the world, and its inhabitants, has become somewhat more forgiving. We are all so very fallible.
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Post by braided-rug on Nov 2, 2006 16:30:17 GMT 10
I wasn't really sure how to answer, because I didn't really know what the answer was. I found this definition of grudge and that helped. "A grudge is defined as "resentment strong enough to justify retaliation." www.charminghealth.com/applicability/grudge.htmI don't retaliate at all I don't think. I am a bit vague on what forgiveness actually means as well. I found this: "From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Forgiveness is the mental and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment or anger against another person for a perceived offence, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution." I do that OK, the only vague area would be resentment then. Clear as mud?
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Post by braided-rug on Nov 2, 2006 16:32:35 GMT 10
"Resentment is an emotion, from "ressentiment", a French word, meaning "malice", "anger", "being rancorous". The English word has the sense of feeling bitter. It can be an emotionally disturbing experience that is being felt again or relived in the mind." Also from Wikipeadia.
Now there is a cloud over bitter.
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Post by braided-rug on Nov 2, 2006 20:45:39 GMT 10
"Bitterness: An emotion which encompasses feelings of anger and hatred." From: Wikipeadia. I'm clear on that one too.
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Post by violet on Nov 7, 2006 19:28:45 GMT 10
Many many years ago eldest ds was at his weekly tennis game. We were there too, watching him play, as was his nice friend and his friend's parents, with whom we got on really well.
During the day, the key to the equipment box went missing. Ds friend piped up to say that ds had taken it. The coach gave ds a grilling, and ds steadfastly denied having the key, looking angrier by the minute.
A couple of hours later, with a palpable sense of anger still emanating from ds, his friend suddenly went over to the coach and told him that he in fact had taken the key, not ds.
I thought that would be the end of it, but ds never spoke to that boy again. We were only living in that State for 2 years so it would have been awfully nice if they'd kept in touch, but it wasn't to be.
No amount of talk on my part could convince ds to forgive the boy.
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Post by cupcake on Nov 8, 2006 17:26:26 GMT 10
Good topic. You know that bitterness can cause cancer? It's a spiritual condition.
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Post by violet on Nov 9, 2006 7:19:45 GMT 10
I think you're right cupcake, that bitterness can cause illness.
It's over ten years since the tennis club incident, and ds has let it go, and is learning to be a bit more forgiving. I suppose maturity comes into it, but I know adults who hang on to a grudge over things that sound to me very minor.
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Post by cupcake on Nov 10, 2006 15:51:39 GMT 10
So sorry for your son Violet. I know how hard it is to be blamed for things. Sometimes a person needs to hear a "I am sorry" . It is much easier to forgive. I struggle with this too. I never shared here before that I live with an emotionally and mentally abusive spouse. I need him to say "I am sorry, I was wrong" but he never does. Everyday he does something that keeps opening up the wounds and I wonder sometimes how to deal with that. You can forgive and forgive and it keeps bring thrown in your face. Perhaps with your son, it may take time.
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Post by braided-rug on Nov 10, 2006 17:37:33 GMT 10
I am sorry to hear that cupcake. My husband I ask to say sorry, but I am sure the situation is different for you. The kids probably think I am a little silly.
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Post by violet on Nov 11, 2006 20:53:32 GMT 10
Cupcake I'm very sorry to hear that you are in that situation.
I sometimes think that people don't realise how much their words can hurt - they won't apologise because it's an admission of their own failure or weakness. They don't turn it around and realise that apologising would bring the other person, and therefore themselves, happiness.
I hope that your spouse does make that connection.
As for the endless forgiving, I can't imagine how hard that would be. It would be difficult to not feel that a part of oneself is being lost.
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Post by cupcake on Nov 12, 2006 16:18:03 GMT 10
You ladies are kind, I feel kind of bad for bringing that up here. This is why I don't usually post in the family or husband threads because I cannot post a normal life there. One day things will be better for me.
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Post by violet on Nov 13, 2006 11:50:03 GMT 10
((hugs)) cupcake
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Post by braided-rug on Nov 13, 2006 11:57:18 GMT 10
Do you mean "here" as on this particular board ie fireside chat? Don't feel bad. I apologise for not posting in those boards you mentioned myself lately.
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Post by braided-rug on Nov 15, 2006 11:41:44 GMT 10
Cupcake there were originally three boards here that may have been suited to posts you mention. Let me know if I can help there.
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Post by cupcake on Nov 15, 2006 17:09:40 GMT 10
Yes, I meant here at hearth and home. I have been at Christian boards where I opened up and recieved much prayer and God is going to use this circumstance for my spiritual growth and will bring me out of it. My case is a case of not listening to the holy spirits warning (out of not understading what the word I heard was) in marrying someone I wasn't supposed to marry and the marriage was given over to the enemy and he really has stolen much. But out of it, in the end I know I will be victorious and I am seeing with my own eyes what happens physically to a person totally given over to certain things that the bible speaks against. The Holy Spirit said in a very audible voice "don't go" and I did not understand what is was that I heard and thought I was imagining something. It was after a year or 2 in the marriage that I understood it to be the Holy Spirit trying to warn me. Ack this is too long of a post. I apologize. ;D
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