Post by Deed on Jan 17, 2006 23:50:39 GMT 10
Diary of shoveling snow
December 8
6:00 p.m. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife
and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the
huge flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch
of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely
place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon, the snowplow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12:
The sun melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor
tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow
on Christmas would be awful. Bob says we'll have so much snow by the
end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow, lovely snow. 8" last night. The temperature dropped to 20 degrees.
The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but
I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inch forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires
for my wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. My wife
wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's
silly. We aren't in Alaska after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a$$ on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. It hurts like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity
was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing
to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've
bought that wood stove, but I won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity is back on, but had another 14" of the **** stuff last
night. More shoveling. Took all day. Freakin' snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighborhood kid to shovel, but they all said they're too
busy playing hockey. I think they are lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're all sold
out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I
think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the
white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt until
next August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel, and then, wouldn't you know it, I had to rush to the "little
boy's room". By the time I got undressed, did my 'business' and
dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob, who has a
plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too
busy. I think the ar**hole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today and it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she....nuts???
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I
think she's **** well lying.
December 24:
Another 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the S*O*B* who
drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his #%!*s. I
know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling,
and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws
snow every where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing
Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy
watching for the freakin' snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the #*!$&%$ crap tonight. Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then
the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over
the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think
she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to strangle her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea!
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -50 degrees and all the pipes froze up.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -30. Still snowed in. Water everywhere in the house.
Basement flooded. THE &^*$#s driving me crazy!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I have ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars
for the bump on his head. City sent me a bill for shoveling my
sidewalks. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!!
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving
me.
...Why am I tied to the bed?
;D
December 8
6:00 p.m. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife
and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the
huge flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch
of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely
place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon, the snowplow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12:
The sun melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor
tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow
on Christmas would be awful. Bob says we'll have so much snow by the
end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow, lovely snow. 8" last night. The temperature dropped to 20 degrees.
The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but
I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inch forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires
for my wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. My wife
wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's
silly. We aren't in Alaska after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a$$ on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. It hurts like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity
was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing
to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've
bought that wood stove, but I won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity is back on, but had another 14" of the **** stuff last
night. More shoveling. Took all day. Freakin' snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighborhood kid to shovel, but they all said they're too
busy playing hockey. I think they are lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're all sold
out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I
think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the
white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt until
next August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel, and then, wouldn't you know it, I had to rush to the "little
boy's room". By the time I got undressed, did my 'business' and
dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob, who has a
plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too
busy. I think the ar**hole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today and it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she....nuts???
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I
think she's **** well lying.
December 24:
Another 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the S*O*B* who
drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his #%!*s. I
know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling,
and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws
snow every where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing
Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy
watching for the freakin' snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the #*!$&%$ crap tonight. Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then
the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over
the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think
she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to strangle her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea!
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -50 degrees and all the pipes froze up.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -30. Still snowed in. Water everywhere in the house.
Basement flooded. THE &^*$#s driving me crazy!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I have ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars
for the bump on his head. City sent me a bill for shoveling my
sidewalks. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!!
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving
me.
...Why am I tied to the bed?
;D
