The day after Halloween...

[lucie]

I'm not feeling my greatest...I was ok this morning, went to my art class...came back and had lunch with my dh and then slowly I started to feel down...I do know it happened after my art class....I'm sitting there drawing....listenign to all those around me, talking about a special exposition they went, a special technique thye used, a 6 month trip to India they made or the 2 month volunteer trip to Africa coming up after Christmas....KWIM?..... Here I am little old Lucie, dressed as simply as can be...no special expensive purse or hairdo...and no special plans for trips or visitng an art gallary...kwim....just plain old me, drawing and when I talk and share with the others I have the impression I am not *in* the group....one participant even left the room to go to the next because she said there was too much noise...just beofre I was talking... was it me who was making the noise...? anyways...I just feel like being a sahm and having 4 boys, having been so frugal all my life and have been so simple in every way all my life (and I do like this way...I chose this life)...I just felt from another branch of society or life or plainly from another planet! ANYWAYS....

Does someone *relate* to what I am saying....? Please?....

Ok, besides this well, I'm glad Halloween is over. I thought it went well this year, and then all of sudden it got overwheliming demanding for Pierre and I....It took 1 hour to wrap Patrick with white clothe to be a Mummy....Pierre drove Mathieu to the other town to meet his friends, François and his girlfriend *decided* they were trick or treating and started to ask me for nylons, a skirt, this and that.....add eating on the tip of a chair supper! I was pooped by the time we left trick or treating with Patrick...WHO was EXTRA EXCITED and ran around everywhere and I had to stop every two minutes so he wouldn't get hit by a car!..... His mummy costume kept on falling off from everywhere and what makes me more sad, I didn't take a picture.....we couldn't find our digi camera...

I need hug. Does it show?

[braided-rug]

I can relate. My husband has the kind of job where technically I could join in with this sort of thing. I have been a sahm for 21 years. My step-brothers wife made me feel plain once as she was going to the grocery without her kids all dressed up and I was getting into the van with a crowd. She has now a split family because of something she did. The money gives a kind of perfect feel to her.

Photo taking rarely goes smoothly for me either. Try not to worry.

I don't know what to say, you can pm me definitely.

[lynn]

Oh Lucie,

I promise you I know just how you feel. I quit going to Ladies Bible Study, led by my own mother, because of this very feeling. Here's a room full of career women, dressed to the 9th degree and I waltz in wearing my denim skirts and sweaters.......a sahm by choice....

And mothering can get to be quite demanding! I know that feeling too, when everybody wants something.....

Here's my favorite quote that helps me when I feel overwhelmed or insignificant,

"A godly woman is one who possesses inner peace and tranquility; she doesn't have to prove herself to anyone. She is strong, and yet she doesn't use her strength to control or dominate people; neither does she depend on recognition from others. Hers is an inner contentment and satisfaction based not on accomplishments, position, or authority, but on a deep awareness of God's eternal and personal love for her."

This comes from depending on God, obeying him and drawing on his strength and wisdom and learning to be like him. ~ Emilie Barnes

Sending you a big hug and prayers.....I hope you feel better soon.

[violet]

Lucie, I too know just how you feel. Eventually I've learned to hold my head up and not let them bother me. If people don't want to know me, fine, that's their problem, but I won't let myself feel less because I'm dressed poorly by comparison. Also, I remind myself that I have nothing in common with women who live to shop or who behave like schoolgirls with their "cliques". I've tried different things until I stumble across something/someone I feel comfortable with. In some ways that's harder as a frugal sahm, because often it's the very wealthy or the older women who have the time and money to do courses; the frugal ladies are probably working or at home!

[braided-rug]

I like the advice given to you. I agree with the finding something/someone to feel comfortable with, that will happen eventually.

Don't underestimate how much you learn from your partners comings and goings. I felt I have learnt alot.

[frugalmel]

Awww Lucie, I am sorry they made you feel inferior.. You are the best lady there. So you don't have the new bag, hairdo or trip coming up. It obviously isn't making them very happy or they wouldn't have to keep talking about the "next great thing". Remember, you are doing the most important job there is. You are a MOTHER.

{{{hugs}}} If it makes you feel any better, I feel like I don't fit in many times. Sometimes its at church, sometimes out in public (like at the school when I help out), etc. In the end, it really won't matter what the others think, only our savior. But for right now, it can really hurt. I'm here if you want to talk.

[Deed]

Lucie, I too have been there done that, and I agree with all the other ladies. You are a terrific mom, don't let anyone ever make you feel differently!

Think of it this way. I am going to bet that your home is filled with boys of all ages all the time. Most likely your boys' friends parents work and YOU are there for them. They don't care that you don't have a chic hairdo or a new bag. All they know is that you are there when it counts and that is the best gift you can give any child!

Hugs sweetie....

[lucie]

Awww, thanks so much everyone! I hadn't seen all these replies when I came today online...

I feel much better today... I also talked about it at another board I visit and the replies were as comforting as all of your replies. I usually don't let anyone get to me like this but this time it did. And to be truthful, no one was rude there at the art class, but I really felt I didn't fit and belong there. But you're right, I should never let others affect me this way. I will try to keep my head high the next time and be proud of who I am.

Thank-you SO MUCH for taking the time to read and encourage me. I feel even better now.
What would I do without you all....? (((((HUGS)))))

[beth2]

Ah, Lucie - ((hugs)) - as you can see, we all feel like this time to time. When I was in Florida, I often felt it because I was never one of those shoppy - make-uppy - fragile drama queens who seemed to be everywhere. I never fit into the groups of women who had little else to talk about but the men in their lives, and because I don't have kids, I could never really fit in with the mothers, either. Here, as my husband is older, nearly all of his friends are also much older than me; they're all nice, but they all share memories that I just can't share.

I am also now living in a city, full of people who have been wining and dining all their lives; I always feel out of place hosting some of these people, or being at a party with them, because it's all done so 'differently' than where I was, where you would just toss some meat on the grill, some canned drinks in a cooler full of ice, and everyone would help themselves!

There are so many 'little things' that catch me out and make me feel 'different' to the status quo here, and I know that if my sisters ever came here they'd stick out like sore thumbs!

It's sometimes easy to focus on what we don't have, rather than what we do have. I have a lovely husband - he drives me mad sometimes but don't they all? - and you have a lovely family. I, for one, would LOVE to have a house full of kids over at my house 'all the time' - as I don't have kids, and now live thousands of miles away from my niece and nephews, I don't really see that happening. Ah well...