How would you handle this?

[ellise]

I hope I am posting this in the right place if not them please feel free to move it.

OK, here's *yet another dilemma*
Carey is semi- vegetarian she does eat poultry & fish.
Daniel has invited her to Thanksgiving at his grandparents homes this year (not sure if she can go yet or not) his grand mother saya " I won't put up with that sort of nonscence, I'm NOT cooking anything special for her!" "Cooking two seperate meals is just crazy." All I told her was that Carey & Daniel won't eat anything that has been cooked in or with Fats, ie she cooks her green beans in fat back!
So now Daniel doesn't want to go to her house this year! His grandfather has no problem with making her fell welcomed.

Now on to the Biological grandfather. He opposes them being together because of the age difference, she is 1 year and 4 months older than Daniel . When I told him I was 6 years older than Don he said, I know and I don't like that idea either! (gee thanks for saying something 17 years later buddy.)

Don wants to go see both his parents this year and spend some time with them, and Daniel wants Carey to go with us. How am I going to keep the Peace if no one is willing to cooperate? I am afraid that they are going to make her feel Un welcomed, and I don't want her to get her feelings hurt, she is so sensitive.

They have treated me this way for as long as I have known them, but I have learned over the years to have thick skin when around them. I don't want her to feel bad towards the family, but they can be quite hateful at times.

[Deed]

Can you bring a dish the kids will eat Ellise? Or they can do like my nephew does and fill up on veggies.

[Deed]

Just curious but you say they won't eat things 'been cooked in or with Fats', last I knew chicken had lots of fat. Or do they just eat boneless/skinless and grill it?

[lucie]

Ellise, is this at your inlaws?....

[braided-rug]

Ellise, I can really relate. It is such a hard thing to put up with things yourself and then realise that it doesn't stop the next generation getting hurt as well, after all the careful raising etc. It pays not to think about it, I guess. We live a bit further away these days, but when ds goes to uni or college, he will be closer to family than to us, I had a big think about it the other day. I am hoping he goes to another uni that is closer to us, but it is up to himself and his marks.

I think the idea of bringing something, but realise they may have a dig anyway, but you can't predict these things I guess. Carey wouldn't have to have her as a MIL so don't worry!!

[braided-rug]

It is difficult because her menu is probably nearly right anyway, and probably only needed minor adjustments like using oil instead. I am assuming fat back is some sort of pig grease?

[Admin]

Fat can come from may sources BR. Mainly when I say fat, I mean that from red meat. A lot of folks here now with the trend to be healthier are cooking in canola oil or in olive oil (extra virgin preferred)

Ellise, If I were you I would take some dishes for Carey and Daniel to eat. Perhaps you can get Carey to come over to your place before the holidays, and show you what she eats and you two can come up with some dishes to take. I am diabetic and I don't go to anyones for dinner, expecting them to fix what I can eat. I either ask if I can take a couple dishes or eat what they have that I can count carbs in easier.

Is this a religious diet she is on or is it dietary for being a healthy runner?

As to the comments grandfather might make to Carey or Daniel. He shouldn't, but he might, so I say ignore grandfather. Some folks are just that way. As to love and age, I say age doesn't matter, but love does.

Let us know how it goes.

[braided-rug]

Thanks for your perspective Car. I think that sounds right.

I remember as a teen being like that with some foods.

[braided-rug]

Some people always bring some offering when they are invited to tea/supper. Maybe if you took something like that as well, it would be less obvious that you have brought food for Daniel and Carey.

[ellise]

Wow so many wonderful responses thank you all as they all mean so much to me.

Deed, they only eat the boneless, skinless chicken and it is either grilled or Broiled.

Lucie ~ Yep you guessed it my In-Laws

Carolyn~ They are doing this to stay healthy and for running also.

I told MIL that I would do the cooking for the kids and she just BLEW up! and plain right out said, "NO! if they are coming to eat then they will eat what I fix or go hungry!"

Now this just steamed me like you would not believe. First of all I know I can't expect or ask anyone to fix anything special for my family (and I would never dream of asking). But she ASKED me what they wanted!!!
Secondly, how could you invite your grandchild and because they don't eat what you eat then say they can go hungry? (especially when the parents have said they would cook for them)

So here's what we will be doing, we will NOT be taking Carey to MIL's for the Hoildays, instead we're taking her to FIL's seems he's had a change of heart about the age thing

I am taking a Veggie and Fruit tray for them with all the things they like. I am also fixing them a big steaming pot of Miso Soup with Tofu as the main course. SMIL is willing to fix the kids whatever they want, but so I don't have to hear about it for the rest of my life, I am taking their food with us.

Maybe I am being stupid, or whatever but ladies this is the ONLY child I have left and I would bend over backwards in order for him to feel welcomed and loved. I just think it is rude to make someone you don't know that was invited to meet you feel uncomfortable and unwelcomed. Sorry just my 2¢

[lucie]

I think you are doing the right thing, Ellise. With an attitude like this, I would never visit my mil....I'd let my dh go if he wishes to go and respect him for this but I would not accept to have me or my children not cared for more than this.

I can understand that your mil would like to have everyone eat the same thing and some could aprove that the kids are maybe picky, but I think Daniel's girlfriend has a right to chose to be vegtarien and your mil has the right to cook what she wants but everyone has the right to be respected. There's always a solution when everyone envolved want to cooporate, but your mil doesn't seem very positive about this.

So, all this to say,again, you did the right thing. You got one son and you love him and it's great that you make him and his girlfriend accepted and loved.

And that was my 2 cents.