Attachment Parenting

[braided-rug]

Anyone heard of attachment parenting? How about Montessori, Steiner, natural parenting? Any thoughts?

[violet]

My knowledge is very patchy, but the Steiner and Montessori type philosophies seem to work well when the whole family is committed/suited to that type of system. One unusual family I know sent their daughter to a Steiner school after she was asked to leave a mainstream private school, and although in theory it could have worked, she needed firmer boundaries. The boundaries at home were a little fuzzy too and I think she had too much freedom overall, which for her wasn't a good thing.

As for attachment parenting, I saw something about that only yesterday and while a lot of it sounded sensible I personally could not have stood breastfeeding for so long, also dd did end up in bed with us frequently when she was little. By the time she was getting close to 1, I was over it. She was a rotten sleeper and taking her to bed would keep her quiet (third child, anything for peace and sleep in those early days). However as she got older I felt far less warm and fuzzy about it, and eventually did a controlled crying thing for a couple of days, which thankfully worked. I am much happier sleeping child-free, but like Steiner et al, different philosophies suit different families. I'm very independant by nature.

Dd was the child who chose to nurse the longest, and again I reached a point where I thought "no" and weaned her at 20 months. I think you are a much kinder, warmer person than me, Br!

[lucie]

I think this is what we did attachment parenting...I carried all my boys in baby slings for many months after thier birth. We even had a another type of baby carrier when they got older like a year old that Pierre mostly wore. They were starting to be heavy for me... lol

I breastfed all 4 boys for a very long time~I don't openly say to everyone how long each but let's say it was natural weaning...

We also did the family bed...nursing many times a night, I got too tired after 3 months waking up to nurse so we had our babies in bed...Usually we took them in when the baby woke up for the first time in the middle of the night...

After the second was born, we bought a king size bed, since we had Francois who would join us in the middle of the night, plus Mathieu...lol...so since we needed space and sleep, with the king size bed we all slept well.

But, looking back on this, the only thing I regret is that I didn't take care of me...I completely forgot myself for years and years and only answered my babies'...todlers'...needs....forgetting *I also had needs*....And looking back on this, I'm not sure I would redo exactly the same thing...I'm 42 and I am an extremely tired mom...Of coarse no one sleeps with us, now and it has been a few years, but Patrick does occasionally sneaks in our bed...

I think that being a parent is not easy and to tell you the truth, I learned alot on the way....I read alot to help me, but really, I learned with each child. They are all so different.

Interesting topic, Br. I love it.

[braided-rug]

Thanks Lucie.

I take out the embarassment award possibly. The last 4 years 4 months and the one before that 4 years 6 months.

I can relate to buying a bigger bed.

Mostly ours were taken out after they fell asleep again, and I had two completely different ways with the first three and the last two.

I tried the sling, maybe I was too big for it, don't know it just didn't feel right.

I feel really tired at 42 as well, and feel more comfortable looking after me these past months. However, I haven't gotten very far except maybe coming to the terms of being baby free and having a child in school next year. I like it now.

My clothes are worn out so I will be forced to buy new ones soon.

I feel a little better lately, and some of it has to do with weaning I'm sure.

I had Montessori explained to me in plain English once and I have been sorry I can't find it again. It sounded alot like the way I was brought up which I thought was interesting.

I was so surprised how many of these different preschools were around, our hometown didn't have any so I didn't notice the town nearby had these things.

I think it was great your dd responded so well violet.

[violet]

I think I was just lucky, Br! It was so different with her, the boys both weaned themselves at twelve and half months, just turned up their noses at me! I did feel vaguely rejected, but then everything settled down and I felt physically much better too.

I didn't expect dd to be any different, but she was. She was a lot more clingy, too, back then (boy is it a different story now!).

I really do agree that it depends on each individual child, too, they are all so different. Mine are, anyhow. Ds number 2 is inclined to be busy, like me, where dd can sit ALL DAY in bed and watch movies, or talk on the phone, if she isn't out socialising. Eldest ds is somewhere in the middle. He gets restless if he sits around too long, but not dd.

As for the sling thing, I loved the sling. The eldest was a non-sleeper so loved being with me where he could see what was happening, from a very early age. Ds 2 didn't last in there long, he wanted to be on my hip. Dd was in the sling for a long time too.

I'm with you Lucie in that I've just stumbled through it somehow. All those books really didn't help at all, apart from the one about child development so that I had some idea of stages and ages.

Br, with 5 kids you have every right to feel tired! A woman I used to know - she's moved away now - had 5 kids too and was permanently exhausted from being "on call" to everyone. Hopefully next year you can spend a little time with you!!

[braided-rug]

I came back to this thread and found a really cool g. banner about a website called lactavist or something like that. I hope you all can see it.

At the moment most of what I did with the kids is like a fog. I think moving here did that. Also I talked myself out on baby forums.

I know dd or the third baby and oldest daughter was awake all the time. She came into the kitchen with her bassinet and we got a toy string to go across for her to look at. Back then bouncers didn't have toys on the front.

I used my bouncers alot.

I also liked it when they introduced baby carriers onto shopping trolleys or carts. Before this I brought with me a sheepskin.

[violet]

There's a picture of my eldest ds sitting on the meat safe at the moment - he's in his bouncer! Gosh that thing was a life-saver some days!

[braided-rug]

And I credit my sanity to an old house with high door handles. And a kitchen at the other end of the house, my room in the middle where I could hear what was going on the in lounge and see who was going past. It was a great house, I got sunshine in my room and there was a heater both ends.

I had an hour of soap watching in the early days, I didn't remember until later I think their nap was then. Later I liked to read magazines, and also early on a bit of knitting therapy lol.

[lucie]

Oh my goodness, Br! Sounds like me... I'm so happy not to be alone! ;D

As the babies grew I was part of a breastfeeding group and I made very good friends. We don't see each other anymore but we do speak once in a while. I used to go to conferences about breastfeeding...I even was a volunteer to help young mothers.

[braided-rug]

That is wonderful that you helped out.