Have a dilemma, need advice please

[Deed]

Little background first, we have been getting together with our neighbors each weekend for a cookout here at our home. Most of the time it is just Brenda, her daughter (Trisha), son-in-law (Mitch) and 3 children aged 8 Mitch Jr., 4 Maylai and 1 Malackai, not even sure if I spelled their names right. LOL

Anyway, Trisha and Mitch are not what I would call great parents, whether they were never taught or what, it just seems easier for them to ignore the children than deal with bad or inappropriate behavior.

Maylai is the worst about not minding and if I can say this, is a very sneaky, destructive and mean child. Gosh can't believe I am saying that about a 4 year old! I think she has figured out that you get lots of attention with bad behavior, so tends to do this the most. Which is really sad.

Anyway, I have been told by the parents that my house = my rules, which I have laid out for the 2 children. Mitch Jr. does pretty well, but little Maylai is out of control.

This last weekend she used her fingernail to scratch Jack's car, from front to rear lengthwise and then several (50-60 or so) scratches up and down on the doors and fenders.

Mom (Trisha) inspected it and Maylai got a 3 minute timeout, which she chatted the entire time. (Mitch had to work so wasn't here.)

While she isn't my child, I won't allow this type of behavior at my home. I have been thinking up a punishment (chore) for her to do next visit and was wondering what you all thought about it.

After having lots of ideas, I threw them all out for fear she would get more destructive i.e. dusting etc.... Oh and she isn't allowed in the house alone because she is mean to my cats, especially the babies.

So we have an apple tree and the apples are falling on the ground. Do you think it is an appropriate chore for a 4 yr old to have to pick them up and put in buckets for me? There will probably be at least a 100 of them on the ground. I plan on being there every minute watching over her, but not helping.

Glad it was her fingernail as Jack said that they can just be buffed out.

Need some feedback please.....

[daddys3chicks]

Yes, I think that is an approrpiate task for a 4 year old.

Make her pull weeds. Make her clean the toilet.

[violet]

Hm. I'd be wanting to make her buff the car - that takes hours!! Yes, I am kidding.

I would most certainly have her pick up the apples, that sounds appropriate for a 4 year old. I can attest to a naughty 4 year old here jumping the fence, picking a bucket of oranges and squeezing them all to make juice - I didn't catch him until the juice stage.

While she was picking up EVERY apple, I'd have a chat about what a terrific kid (this can be difficult!) she is, and how disappointed you are that she would hurt your dh's car like that.

As for the parents of the child, well. Those sort of parents kind of gloss over everything until the kid actually steals a car, or whatever, and then the penny drops.

[braided-rug]

Yep, our neighbourhood took notice once she got to painting someone's car stage.

Not sure if this girl is like that or not.

[braided-rug]

Deed at 4 it is possible that she will grow out of it. She may have seen someone else do this and is copying.

I haven't seen her to know.

[cara]

Oh boy. Inappropriate punishment, I think not. I would find something for her to do each time she comes or ask the mother please not to bring the children that this is an adult get together.

There are children just like that and it sounds like the parents pretty much ignore it.

Does Brenda react to it at all???

Sorry about Jack's car...Grr