Would you hire a night nurse for a newborn?

[violet]

There was a discussion on the radio about hiring someone to sit up with your new baby while you sleep. If the baby is breastfed, they will bring the baby in for you to feed, then take it back and put it to bed again. If not, they'll feed it so Mom can have unbroken sleep.

The interviewer was shocked that anyone would hire a stranger to spend nights with their new baby, the interviewee said all help should be used because parenting is so hard, especially for working Moms.

Personally, for the average mom and bub, I think it's another way of outsourcing care and abdicating responsibility. It seems rather sad that getting up to a newborn, hard though it is, is seen as something to be handballed to an employee.

[braided-rug]

If the person was very skilled in settling the baby I could see that this would be a good thing.

I was very lucky in that my husband would bring the baby to me and then go back to sleep, I guess they were a bit older by then, yes, I don't think he did little babies.

Then my job was to stay awake while the baby was feeding. After awhile I could tell how asleep they were and could move them back to bed or my husband would do it depending. He was very good at settling them into bed, like patting them. So then they would be asleep until the next time they needed a feed unless the neighbours did something really loud.

I don't think the person would have much luck if the baby wasn't ready to be moved. We had signals where I could say how ready they were with my fingers and he would come back if it was a feed while I was up.

While he was at work I got up very carefully and settled them myself.

I get distressed that couples never learn how to settle them, not that I am an expert like my dh, and either leave them in a pram all the time or in their bed, or pull their hair out.

[braided-rug]

Having said that, we always had a radio on very softly near the bassinette and that helped with sudden noises. My second baby couldn't settle at all without the womb music we bought.

I feel that you shouldn't stop yourself learning these things yourself and that a night nurse should be for emergencies, or to help start the process of independence off.

[braided-rug]

dh was saying this is related to women being released early from hospital. I always tried to stay the week. Last time I was happier at home. The nurse came to take off the cord clip. To be honest it is all a snooping exercise.

It is also a great advertisement for health insurance. With a good doctor you could probably ask to stay longer in the hospital, I am sure most people would need that time.

[lynn]

I couldn't agree with you more, Violet.

I see this more and more today. Younger mothers who will not or cannot take responsibility for being a mom. Can't get the housework done? Call a maid. Need to run errands and have some me time? Call a sitter. Now I realize sometimes you may need a helping hand, but all too frequently, I think, it becomes easier and easier to let someone else do it. Yes parenting is a tough job, but I think about our grandmothers and those before us with huge families. They managed, and of course, they had older children to help them at times, but surely we should be able to handle what we have, especially with all the time saving household equipment we have that they didn't.

So no, I would not hire a night nurse. I made it with mine, and one of those did not sleep all night long until he was a year old.

[violet]

Lynn, you make a good point about responsibility. Avoiding responsibility is something that pervades many areas today - as evidenced by the proliferation of lawsuits.

With regard to mothering, perhaps the way motherhood is portrayed in the media is partly to blame for the outsourcing of care. How can you have sleepless nights and still get to the gym/dietician so that you look fab within a few weeks of giving birth? There's very little information out there about real people, and real lives, instead we're saturated with PR stories about pretend lives. Sorry, I'll hop down from the soap box before I get rolling...

Br, even with private health insurance they don't leave you in hospital very long, from what people have told me. Beds are too scarce.

I think it's extremely important to have assistance and support available to every mother who needs it. I do not, however, agree with the current belief that "children must fit in with MY lifestyle" because it encourages unrealistic expectations, and places children at a disadvantage imho. Having someone take care of a newborn baby at night so that a perfectly well and able mum can sleep is appalling, in my view, particularly in a society that makes so much noise about the magical (mythical?) "bonding" process. You will find it easier to love and bond with that tiny bundle if you take the responsibility for their care from birth, all things being equal.

The final point in my diatribe is - who would give up those snuggly nights with a newborn just so you can look fresh for work/gym/lunch in the morning? No amount of money or beauty could compensate for what you would miss out on.